Rock Free Read online

  Then again, maybe it wasn’t.

  Chapter 11

  Wes

  I was finally back in New York after a week in California, and wouldn’t you know it, I had to share Sara with my bandmates instead of doing what I really wanted to do, which was lock us inside my townhouse, strip her naked, and make love to her for days. I was nervous as fuck, and part of me was pissed about having to go to a party before being able to have time alone with Sara, but she’d had a class during the only time I’d had available, and this was the first moment I was able to see my Little Red.

  But mostly I was happy to show Sara off to my friends.

  That wasn’t why I was nervous, though. I’d decided that tonight, I needed to tell her who I am. We’d never talked about faith, and I knew that was important to her, so I would be honest about my feelings on that. I would also tell her about my history, about anything that her family might find objectionable about me, and that included my bisexuality. As I’d told myself and Ben last week, I was planning to tell her all this anyway, if and when I decided to commit to her. But that was bullshit. It didn't matter that we’d only known each other a short time, I was committed to exploring what was between us, and that alone was enough for me to be honest with her so she could make informed decisions about what she wanted from me.

  In the past, I’d always resented any hint of pressure to come out to anyone; with Sara, I felt excited (albeit also nervous). I wanted to share all of me with her, and I wanted the same from her.

  This time, Sara had allowed me to order her a town car to pick her up and bring her to Corbin and Aimee’s. I’d arrived earlier and had waited outside, tucked in an alcove, waiting for her. When she got out of the car, she looked fucking incredible in her short black skirt and tight pink top with her auburn hair all curled and spilled over her shoulders. Nothing dramatic; she simply exuded natural beauty.

  I didn’t touch her until we got inside the safety of Corbin’s place, then I kissed the hell out of her until both of us went breathless. “Not sure if you know this,” I said into her ear as we joined the party, “but your ass looks banging in that skirt. I think I’m going to have to do something about that, and soon.”

  She bit her inner lip before smiling wide. “Promises, promises.” Her expression changed, a hint of worry on her brow. “You said no one at your parties takes pictures, right?”

  I knew what she meant. She was worried photos of the two of us would get leaked and her father would find out. “Our privacy is something we take seriously. Your dad will never know you’ve been here.”

  Relief flooded her face. She smiled and reached up to kiss me, a soft, warm kiss that melted something inside me, and I had to wonder if maybe this party was the best option. Maybe I should take her back to my place.

  “I’m so excited to meet your friends, Wes,” she murmured when we broke from the kiss. “I feel…honored.”

  That settled it. “In we go,” I announced, and opened the door with a flourish that made her giggle.

  The moment we entered Corbin’s apartment, we were met with the exuberant faces of people I loved. Vickie was there, Ben was there, the whole band was there, along with all their girlfriends and friends. Vickie and Ben orbited to me, and I pulled them into a hug.

  “Vic, Ben, this is Sara Crawford. We’ve been dating,” I said, not sure if I should use the word “girlfriend.” It was basically how I thought about her, but I didn’t want to scare Sara off by claiming her so dramatically in public.

  Sara gave them a small wave. She was about both their heights even in flats, whereas Vickie wore high heels. Now that shoe designer Nikki Lorenz was in our inner circle, maybe I could score some fancy stilettos for Sara if she wanted. She seemed to have no problem with her height, which was sexy as fuck.

  “Hi, it’s really nice to meet both of you,” she said, smiling and holding out a hand to shake.

  I heard a tremor in Sara’s voice, the first since we entered the party. I squeezed her hand to give her reassurance.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” Ben said, his smile warm as he shook Sara’s hand. I wanted so badly to believe his words were honest.

  Vickie shot me a glare as her brown eyes calculated, but her tone was kind enough when she smiled at Sara and said, “It’s a pleasure, Sara. We’ve heard a lot about you. You’re the Sara Crawford, aren’t you? Peter Crawford’s daughter? The one who had those videos about purity a few years back?”

  I almost choked on my beer. Obviously Vickie had done some research on Sara—either that, or Ben had told her—but why the hell was she bringing that shit up now? To taunt me?

  Sara blushed and looked up at Vic. “I was like, sixteen at the time. It was something all three of us had to do, me and my sisters. A series of videos about Christian marriage and how to court appropriately.”

  “What’s courting?” Ben asked, and Vickie broke into hard laughter.

  “Oh my God. What’s courting?” Vickie slapped my arm and shook her head, then pounded back the rest of her drink.

  As if Ben’s question wasn’t silly enough, Sara actually explained. “It’s just an old-fashioned term for dating. Although, the way my father interpreted it, if one of his daughters wanted to date someone, he had to first approve, and then you and the boy did family-friendly or church-related activities in groups or with chaperones until the wedding.”

  “Wow,” Vickie said.

  Ben sipped from his drink. “Sounds like no one trusts you to make your own decisions.”

  Sara shrugged. “It’s true. And one of the main reasons I begged to go to college here in New York. I wanted to get away from that for a while. Make my own choices.” She looked at me and caught me frowning.

  For a while? What did that mean? So was I part of her break, but she planned to return to those ways once she was done with school? Was she doing something like what the Amish, or maybe it’s the Mennonite kids do—what was it called, rumspringa?

  “Honestly, I’m going through a weird time right now,” Sara said by way of explanation, though she didn’t have to explain anything to my friends. “I never wanted to go through some big show where my dad picks the ‘right guy’ and I go along with it. I don’t want that at all.”

  Ben nodded. “It’s good to have a choice in your own future.” Then, his laser beam eyes were on me. “I just…can you excuse me a minute? I want to see the new balcony Aimee and Corbin have been chattering about all night.”

  Sara offered him a shy smile. “It was nice talking to you, and—”

  Ben didn’t stay to hear the end of it, already rushing to the doors. My heart sank, knowing he was trying to shrug off the hurt I’d caused him. I didn’t know what to say, but, damn it, I needed to try.

  “Hey,” I said, kissing Sara quickly on the cheek. “Let me go take a lap with Ben, and I’ll be right back. Don’t worry. Vickie can introduce you to Abby, Aimee, and Nikki.”

  “Of course I can,” Vickie said.

  I hesitated, worried what she might say while I was gone. But Ben needed me, and I couldn’t just turn my back on him.

  I found Ben sitting on the edge of the balcony’s wall with a beer in hand. I knew he’d already finished his scotch, but two drinks were hardly our limit, so I didn’t say anything. Frankly, I was glad it was just him out here.

  He looked up at me and swigged his beer. “Sara seems nice. If you were going to hook up with a girl, I’m glad she’s a nice person, someone who’ll treat you right.”

  “Are you okay, though?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. It’s you I think you should worry about. I still think if anything about you gets back to her father, it’s going to blow up in your face.” He sighed. “Honestly, Sara seems like a great person. She doesn’t deserve that, either. You should at least tell her the risks she’s taking.”

  “I am. I’m going to be talking to her about it all soon.” When Ben turned his face away, I gazed out over the beautiful New York skyline. Then I turned back to him.


  “Ben,” I said, “it’s not that I don’t love you. I do. But with Sara…” I shrugged. “Can’t you be happy for me?”

  He swallowed hard, then finally nodded. “Yes, I can. In the end, I love you and I want you to be happy. I hope Sara can give you that. Either way, I’ll be here for you, Wes. I always will. If she can’t love all of you, then she doesn’t deserve any of you.”

  That was possibly the sweetest thing Ben had ever said to me. I reached over and opened my arms, giving him the chance to decide whether or not he wanted a hug from me. He did—he leaned into it and hugged me back. As always, things would be okay between us.

  I sighed. “You’re coming back to the party?”

  “Yeah, I just need a few minutes. I didn’t expect her to be so nice. I wanted to hate her. I don’t want to be jealous, and I don’t want to be a weepy ol’ Mary.”

  “Yeah, but you’re a cute weepy ol’ Mary.” I smiled. If Ben was anything, he was handsome and hot as hell. Nothing would change that, not even ugly tears.

  I headed back into the apartment only to have Abby sweep me aside. She was Liam’s girlfriend and the cellist for our slower songs. There was a huge frown on her face and her grip on my arm was intense. “Wes, we have a problem.”

  “What’s going on?” I glanced around the great room and couldn’t find Sara. “Where is she?”

  “Oh, god, Wes, I’m so sorry. She and Vickie got into a huge fight. Things got ugly, and she ran out of the apartment. Aimee’s out looking for her.”

  “Fuck.” I wanted to kick myself. I knew I shouldn’t have left Sara with Vic. “Can you text Aimee that I’m coming after them? I need to find Vickie and see if she knows which direction Sara took off in.”

  I bulleted through the apartment looking for that head of brunette hair. Spotting Vickie talking to a guy in the corner of the room, I made a beeline for her.

  “Hey,” I growled as I got up in her face. “What the hell did you say to Sara?”

  Vickie blinked back at me, an innocent expression plastered on her face, but I knew better. Vickie was many things, but innocent was the last of it. She shrugged and said, “Maybe she had too much to drink and took off?”

  “Cut the shit, Vic. We’ve been here half an hour. Not long enough for anyone to get drunk, much less Sara,” I replied, barely able to control my rage through gritted teeth.

  “Oh, because she’s so pure and innocent, she can’t get drunk? She’s not your style. You’ll drop her in a matter of days—she’s not what you need.”

  “You don’t know what I need, Vickie.”

  “I know what you want, handsome. Pussy. Lots and lots of pussy. And pussy without complications, without attachment. You don’t want to be real, you want to skim the surface, fly high for as long as you can as a rock god. I know you, Wes.”

  “No, you don’t. Not anymore.” Was that true? Had I changed because of Sara, and now I needed—wanted—different things than before?

  “I’m trying to protect you, I promise,” Vickie continued, honesty suddenly clear in her tone. Her eyes welled up. “That’s what friends do. I hate to see you getting all worked up over some little girl who works as hard as she can to pretend she’s not eventually going home to join her daddy’s ministry. It’s all bullshit. She’s going to hurt you, Wes. I can’t bear to see you hurt.”

  At that, the adrenaline slowed its course through my veins and my shoulders sagged. “You don’t know that.”

  “You and I are alike, Wes. We know the score. We understand each other on a deeper level. And I know that in your core, you don’t really want Little Miss Goody Two Shoes.”

  Vickie’s intentions were good—I could see she was trying in her dysfunctional way to be a good friend, but she was going about protecting me in all the wrong ways.

  “You and I get each other on a deep level, but Sara and I understand each other on a deep level, too. You don’t know because you’re not there in the middle of it.” Swiping a hand over my face, I worked to calm myself down. Fighting with Vickie wasn’t going to help me find Sara, and that’s what I needed to focus on right now. “What did you tell her that made her run off?”

  Vickie shrugged. “She told me she was going to be in the concert movie you guys are doing. I told her I guessed that made her your favorite groupie.” She twisted her mouth, regret forming on her face. “And I may have hinted that we slept together. Multiple times.”

  “Which way did she go, Vickie,” I asked quietly.

  “North,” she whispered. “She said something about taking a bus home. I know there’s a stop a couple blocks away. If you hurry, you’ll probably find her.”

  I rushed out of Corbin’s apartment and paced in the elevator until the doors pinged open, then I plunged into the lobby. No Sara, no Aimee. I threw open the front door, planning to head to the bus stop Vickie had mentioned, but as soon as I stepped outside, I found Sara and Aimee sitting on the curb out front. Relief flooded my system.

  Corbin’s girlfriend, tiny spitfire that she was, stroked Sara’s hair even as she hummed for her, a sweet, simple tune that might have been an old Southern spiritual. It was kind, so generous a gesture, that I felt like I was interrupting something private just by showing up.

  Sara’s shoulder pressed against Aimee’s, making me marvel at how easily some girls made friends. Coughing politely, I waited for both of them to see me. When Sara turned, she gave me a full view of her cheeks and how tear-stained they were. I wanted to kick myself for leaving her with Vic. Who needs enemies with friends like that?

  “Hey.” I gave Aimee a grateful hug when she stood. “I’m sure Corbin is missing you. I can take over, if that’s okay.”

  Aimee eyed me, her sharp gaze missing nothing. “Only if it’s okay with Sara.”

  Sara nodded, red curls falling into her eyes. “It’s okay, I’ll be in soon.”

  After Aimee shut the front door, and I was sure we were alone on the street, I sat next to Sara. Taking her hand, I was grateful that she let me twine my fingers through hers. Still, pain lanced sharply into my heart to see she’d been crying, to know she was in so much pain and it was my fault.

  “I’m sorry. I never should’ve left Vickie alone with you.”

  Sara sucked in a shuddery breath. “It’s fine. I should be able to handle myself better.”

  “Seems like a lot of what Vickie said was designed to hurt, so it makes sense it would get to you.”

  Staring at her feet, Sara said, “Vickie kindly informed me I’m a poser, that I know damn well I’ll be going back to Texas soon to be part of my father’s ministry, so you and I shouldn’t even be together.”

  “She said more, didn’t she?” I hated to push, but there was something in me that demanded I be brutally honest with Sara right now. Either she could take it, or she couldn’t, and I was willing to believe she could take it.

  She let out a harsh laugh. “Yep. She said more, all right. She said that she and you had done things together, stuff that wasn’t even in the Kama Sutra.”

  I winced. “Sara, that was in the past. Before I met you, I was with a lot of people.”

  “I don’t care about that,” she said. “You’re a rock star, Wes. And I read the tabloids. I know you sleep around, and I don’t judge you for it. But she wasn’t wrong, Wes. I mean, I’m not a virgin, but barely, and I’ve only had a few beers and one puff of weed in my life. I’m not some wild and crazy party girl.”

  “I don’t want you to be. Trust me. I want you to be you, and you alone.”

  “Maybe it’s better if you find yourself someone like Vickie, someone who’s had life experience. You and I come from different worlds, Wes. I think I’ll only get in your way.”

  “No, listen…Vic and I are friends who would sleep together when there was no one else. We did it for fun, and because sex made each of us feel good. I never wanted more from her.” I leaned closer and brushed her cheek with my hand. “I do with you. Because you’re YOU. You’re sweet and kind and generous. You ca
re about people and about getting your degree. You’re not letting anyone else dictate your life.”

  “But I am! My father—”

  “Is in Texas. You’re here, living your life, being who you are despite knowing he’d disapprove. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know the real you; that’s his fault, not yours.” I stroked the softness of her cheek again. “I like learning from you, hearing about what you’re interested in. And they say opposites attract, right? Things work for us because we have balance. I’m trying to be more serious, get my life on track with this idea I have about film directing, too. You’re trying to be wilder and have a life outside your dad’s plan. Maybe we need each other to make that happen.”

  Sara considered that for a bit, biting her lower lip. “Could be.”

  “Definitely,” I countered. “Sara Crawford, I know I felt something with you on that elevator, and every time we’ve been together since. You know when I sang to you in the elevator?” At her nod, I continued. “Damn it, that moment was the most connected I’ve felt to another human being, period, in my entire life.”

  “Oh, Wes,” she breathed.

  I kissed her, trying desperately to make her understand. I wanted her. I’d wanted her since that first night in that elevator. I wanted her in my bed, in my movie, and by my side. I didn’t give a fuck who her father was or that I had a past. I didn’t care we were different. All I needed was Sara to make my life complete.

  She was shy for a moment, hesitant before her tongue started to respond, stroking my own with feather light touches. I brushed my hand over the silky fabric of her top, pleased when I realized my Little Red hadn’t worn a bra. Her nipple pebbled under my fingers and I could feel every bump even through the thin fabric of her shirt. She moaned and moved enough to drape one leg over my lap. My cock was rock-hard.

  I pressed as best as I could at this angle against her body, feeling the raw ache of need spiraling through me. It was agony to pull away, but I needed to. She might be less of a church girl than Vickie thought, what with practically humping me on a street corner, but I still wanted our first time to be private, just her and me. Well, as private as possible, given I needed her immediately.